Sex is Better When you're Self Aware

Have you ever lost your mind on your partner because you psyched yourself into thinking something that only existed in your head? Or under reacted because you were so busy calming yourself down from what you assumed was nothing; instead you realized that you made yourself look like a fool because you were right about what was bothering you all along? Life is full of that kind of madness but I guess the key is always saying whats on your mind as it becomes relevant.

What I'm worried about is that I've been played so many times that now I assume that everyone is trying to use me. Every time a guy says something nice to me I brush it off as game. Not that I'm wrong half the time, but I know that mentality is what's making me feel the way I do about the opposite sex. Like even the good men are only good for now. So when I'm with a guy and he's treating me nice, all I keep thinking in the back of my mind is "when are you going to show your TRUE colors?" I just know that as soon as I let my guard down he's gunna hurt me. So I don't. Or I do. Either way I seem to be wrong. Except when I'm really comfortable.

I guess what it comes down to is, if a person tried to REALLY get to know me before they pursued me, I would feel comfortable enough to admit to them something like my trust issues or my relationship claustrophobia. Maybe then I wouldn't have to worry about dating a person for a month and they barely know me because they just didn't ask. Cute enough, smart enough but is that really enough? My father tells me that if you want to catch a bus then you have to wait at the bus stop, but just because the bus comes, doesn't mean its yours. I figure, it takes time for the "right" person to come along. You can't expect most of the people you meet will be great for you. Romance is thrown in our faces so much that people think its supposed to come out of thin air. What we have to remember is, unlike most fairy tales there is no "ever after" in life, but no matter how much you have to work on it, at the end of every story, the "happily" part should always be there. There's nothing wrong with working out your problems as long as that's not all your ever doing.

Sometimes when you find yourself hitting a standstill in the relationship, when neither of you is understanding the other, the best thing to do is not to focus on what they feel or think, but more on what your thinking and feeling. Because if you understand yourself better, it will be easier to explain to your partner and Vis-versa.

Love is like capitalism, its all about supply and demand. If you could fall in love with just anybody than what would make it special? If you don't maintain it, it looses its value; Its delicate, but if you truly have it, it's unbreakable. But instead you spend so much time closing yourself off to the world that you wind up closing to yourself. It's when you loose yourself that you begin to feel hopeless and desperate. Once you feel those emotions, they stick with you. You can't forget what its like to feel that empty, so you spend your time trying to make sure that it doesn't happen to you again, not realizing that the more you dwell on those feelings the easier they will come to you.

First you started feeling that way because something terrible happened, then as any little thing doesn't go your way, it triggers a self inflicted emotional beat down. Why is it so easy to put the responsibility on your partner to save you from yourself, so easy to blame them for your unhappiness? Having a partner won't give you a ticket to an undying love party. Its a commitment to many hurdles. A relationship guarantees confusion, misunderstanding, difficulty, and its when you find the answer to those problems that you can claim all the treasures of love.

The honeymoon phase is a tricky part of a relationship. It has all the benefits of a seasoned partnership without the work, so when that doesn't fly anymore, and both of you start to realize what kind of ride your in for, most people get upset. They feel like they lost something that they never truly earned, and when you have that entitlement it seems better to just let the person go than to work on it the hard way. Because its difficult to put your own stuff aside to see an issue from your partners point of view.

How could you even know what your partners point of view is unless you sifted through all the BS to find the meat of the issue. For example, we're having a huge argument about socks, "why the hell do you always have leave your stinky gym socks on the floor, do I look like your maid?!" "Get off my back for once and let me breath without you jumping down my throat." And now you go to sleep mad and bad mouth them to your friends for the rest of the day. No wonder at the first sign of a break up the people close to you are the first to tell you to leave. No wonder so many people wind up resenting each other eventually.

If you feel more comfortable venting your relationship problems to friends or strangers than to your partner, then your issues will not be easily solved, because everyone else around you knows more about what you like than your partner. Or the only time your truly honest to them is when you blow up at each other, which does nothing but make two victims and two villans in a fight with only two people. Why are we so afraid of confrontation? When did people turn to glass, so sensitive that any friction can break a relationship with even the best potential.

The best thing you can hope for in a relationship is potential, because the rest is work. Compatibility is relative, and you can be happy with anyone you allow yourself to be happy with, but the only thing that will keep you that way is patients, empathy and work. People don't love you because they have to love somebody, they love you because you are uniquely you. Your thoughts, feelings and actions are important to someone who loves you, so please don't be shy to be who you are with the people in your life. I guarentee that no one can put up a front forever and when you finally let down your gaurd after trying so hard to hide who you are, it will be too late to fix. Don't let your fears ruin your chance for happiness and dont let people affect your opinion on yourself. With my faults and all, I am perfect and so are you.

Listen to the show
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/GettinKinky
Or
Download the FREE podcast on ITunes or Zune
And
Request us
www.Myspace.com/GettinKinky