Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pro Education, Bi Partisan




Powerful images, heartfelt stories and political controversies have changed the way this generation views abortion. Who would not want to be a part of a movement called Pro Life? But, in the same breath who would want to knowingly take away their own choices?


I do support the end of abortion, but I do not support the end of my choice to get one.  At this point of my life, as a 23-year-old woman, if I became pregnant from a consensual sex act then I would not choose to get an abortion. I am old enough to be held responsible for my sex life and I am educated enough to be able to handle that responsibility.


If you support the end of abortion like I do, then support sexual education. It is ironic that the very people who call themselves pro life, are also largely in support of abstinence only education, when it is the lack of sexual education that puts many young girls in the position to need an abortion in the first place. Thanks to President Barack Obama, from now on schools will only take on proven methods of sex education with teen pregnancy prevention programs. But if the parents and kids at home do not support the sexual education and guidance of children from day one, there will always be a great need for abortion.


Even if we realize that life does start from conception, remember that in many cases it’s a matter of the child dying in utero or in a back alley trashcan. Abortion is something more traumatizing for women than most people who have never had one would realize. You don’t have to scare people on the streets with signs of pictures with aborted fetuses for a person to understand the weight of abortion. All you need is realistic sex education in and outside of the household.


My wish is that every woman who was ever pregnant would be able to have her child with pride and preparedness. But without a thorough sex education program, describing the difference between love and sex, between sex and foreplay, between  using condoms and not and the tools for men and women to protect themselves such as self defense and birth control methods, we will never get to that point. Not until Pro Choice and Pro Lifers get together and work towards a common goal. Educating the old, young and in between about the realities of sex, birth and individual sexuality.


 • Of the approximately 750,000 teen pregnancies that occur each year, 82% are unintended. More than one-quarter end in abortion- Lindberg LD, Changes in formal sex education: 1995–2002, Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 2006, 38(4):182–189.


• Approximately 14% of the decline in teen pregnancy between 1995 and 2002 was due to teens’ delaying sex or having sex less often, while 86% was due to an increase in sexually experienced teens’ contraceptive use- Lindberg LD, Changes in formal sex education: 1995–2002, Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 2006, 38(4):182–189.

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Monday, March 30, 2009

Playa Mentality

When a man has access to only one woman, he perceives himself as weak because he is at the mercy of the woman to satisfy his needs. The more sex a man has, the more powerful he perceives himself to be, which explains why men cheat when they're made to feel weak in a fight with their woman or otherwise.

This can be nature or nurture. By nature, I mean that this mentality is used as a defense mechanism. He doesn't want to be thought of as weak, so he does something that makes him feel strong. Cheating is one way he can achieve this and abuse can be another. Some people use drugs or alcohol for the same affect. Perhaps the reason that cheating is so common is because it's one of the few options that isn't illegal.

When I say nurture, I mean that his whole life, he has been taught by people close to him or by society that doing this is what makes you a man. "No pu**y like new pu**y," they claim, yet they want to say that it's all the same.

When a woman does it, the reasons that I notice most are either because of insecurity or independence. Having sex with many men can help make some women feel desired. For other women, cheating can help them establish the fact that they don't need a man. I've never seen "the playa mentality" manifest itself positively, but never in history has it been so glorified.

Some would say that having side relationships will help you stay with the person you're with for longer but if the benefits are not on both sides than it benefits no one, not even the person or people who think they're benefitting.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Affects of Affection

I want to be the type of woman who is there for my man through every time he needs me. I want to send sexy texts to his phone and go out of my way to make sure he has every thing he wants that I have the power to give. I want to be able to show up at his front door in nothing but an overcoat and stilettos and I want to be able to do all of this without worrying about if he’s thinking I’m needy.

At some point in time not that long ago, affection and romance became a sign of weakness. I think both males and females have a need for romance in some way in order to sustain a fresh feeling of happiness and mutual respect.

Has love become so scary because our parents can’t stay together and cheating has become a fashion? Have we convinced ourselves to be cold and unfeeling? Is that what we need to do now in order to fit in and be accepted?

We tell ourselves that when a person jumps through all of our hoops, and passes all of our tests and fits the mold that we’ve created then we will finally begin to open up. This is leading to a circle that enables the behavior that we say we hate.

We’ve become accustomed to a level of paranoia and tell ourselves that a certain type of behavior is acceptable because it’s only natural. There are givers and there are takers. For natural givers, when you care about someone, it’s easy to become selfless and mold yourself to convenience the person who you care about. For natural takers, it’s easy to become enthralled with the generosity of your partner.

Every person has a need for both personal space and close affection. Learning whether you are a natural giver or a natural taker can help you to figure out things that are important to you and the things that you should be paying closer attention to when it comes to your partner.

I want to be in the type of relationship where I can have space and give space to my partner. I want to send him out to the bar with his boys or have a bad argument about something silly and I want to do all of these things without worrying about if I can trust him or not or if he trusts me.

That is what a relationship is made of.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Sexual Education

When a parent doesn't tell their kids about sex, does it protect them or put them at risk? Well whether a parent tells their kid about sex or not, they are at risk. We are in a sexual revolution whether we want to confront it or not. Just because you don't teach your child about sex, that doesn't mean his/her peers or people she/he is in contact with will not.

Those most ignorant are targeted, which is what makes kids such a target for abuse. Every day I look in the news there are at least 20 new arrests for pedophiles and children abused by people close to them or people in positions of power and trust. If we begin to educate our children about sex in the phallic stages of development from 3-5, you eliminate a lot of confusion which will allow them understand the difference between good touch and bad touch, between right and wrong. I'm not even going to suggest sex ed programs yet, how about we start at home?

What is it that makes a parent teach a kid about everything they need to grow up except sex. You wouldn't even need to go into details. Try to relate with them in your explanation. You wouldn't let them drive a car without knowing the dangers of the road, or even sharing a few of your own experiences. You can't control what your child sees or hears every day on television, in movies or in adds on the street. Seeing these things sparks curiosity in a child which
will be addressed. And if you don't address it, they either will themselves or they will just remain confused about it.

Most kids learn about sex for the first time from friends or pornographic movies they run into while unsupervised. That explains a lot to me about why kids do not trust their parents about the dangers. It's not enough for a child to know how a baby is made, or the diseases that occur. If everybody is telling you how good sex is, and only your parents or teachers are telling you it is bad, who do you believe? The fact is that sex isn't bad; but just like driving or college, it's better for people who are more mature and educated. Without that education, you are sending your children into an unforgiving world with many hurdles they are not prepared to handle. I'd like to thank my mother for giving me the tools handle this world on my own. If you don't want sex education at school, then do it at home. They'll listen.



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