Playa Mentality

When a man has access to only one woman, he perceives himself as weak because he is at the mercy of the woman to satisfy his needs. The more sex a man has, the more powerful he perceives himself to be, which explains why men cheat when they're made to feel weak in a fight with their woman or otherwise.

This can be nature or nurture. By nature, I mean that this mentality is used as a defense mechanism. He doesn't want to be thought of as weak, so he does something that makes him feel strong. Cheating is one way he can achieve this and abuse can be another. Some people use drugs or alcohol for the same affect. Perhaps the reason that cheating is so common is because it's one of the few options that isn't illegal.

When I say nurture, I mean that his whole life, he has been taught by people close to him or by society that doing this is what makes you a man. "No pu**y like new pu**y," they claim, yet they want to say that it's all the same.

When a woman does it, the reasons that I notice most are either because of insecurity or independence. Having sex with many men can help make some women feel desired. For other women, cheating can help them establish the fact that they don't need a man. I've never seen "the playa mentality" manifest itself positively, but never in history has it been so glorified.

Some would say that having side relationships will help you stay with the person you're with for longer but if the benefits are not on both sides than it benefits no one, not even the person or people who think they're benefitting.

The Affects of Affection

I want to be the type of woman who is there for my man through every time he needs me. I want to send sexy texts to his phone and go out of my way to make sure he has every thing he wants that I have the power to give. I want to be able to show up at his front door in nothing but an overcoat and stilettos and I want to be able to do all of this without worrying about if he’s thinking I’m needy.

At some point in time not that long ago, affection and romance became a sign of weakness. I think both males and females have a need for romance in some way in order to sustain a fresh feeling of happiness and mutual respect.

Has love become so scary because our parents can’t stay together and cheating has become a fashion? Have we convinced ourselves to be cold and unfeeling? Is that what we need to do now in order to fit in and be accepted?

We tell ourselves that when a person jumps through all of our hoops, and passes all of our tests and fits the mold that we’ve created then we will finally begin to open up. This is leading to a circle that enables the behavior that we say we hate.

We’ve become accustomed to a level of paranoia and tell ourselves that a certain type of behavior is acceptable because it’s only natural. There are givers and there are takers. For natural givers, when you care about someone, it’s easy to become selfless and mold yourself to convenience the person who you care about. For natural takers, it’s easy to become enthralled with the generosity of your partner.

Every person has a need for both personal space and close affection. Learning whether you are a natural giver or a natural taker can help you to figure out things that are important to you and the things that you should be paying closer attention to when it comes to your partner.

I want to be in the type of relationship where I can have space and give space to my partner. I want to send him out to the bar with his boys or have a bad argument about something silly and I want to do all of these things without worrying about if I can trust him or not or if he trusts me.

That is what a relationship is made of.